my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
