so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
