Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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