i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
