I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he thought i was a dude.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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