So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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