he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
