I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
