Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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