I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
