So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize