cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
