I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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