i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
