it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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