i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
