Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
