im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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