I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
