"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
