i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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