how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
