I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
this beer tastes like vomit already
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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