I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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