Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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