he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
