I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
