Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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