i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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