she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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