did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
