Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
