I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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