I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
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I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
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The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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