I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
