Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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