I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
