I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Apparently you make a good broom.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
