I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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