Screwed.edu
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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