Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?