trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.