I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
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It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
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Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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