Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.

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(305): The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service. http://tfl.nu/dlye

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(248): View more from Michigan

When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.

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(248): When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal. http://tfl.nu/vbhe

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(337): View more from Louisiana

i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.

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(337): i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out. http://tfl.nu/6suh

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.

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(402): Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes. http://tfl.nu/823v

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(419): View more from Ohio

Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...

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(419): Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this... http://tfl.nu/jh8c

Replies (19) Good night (1805) Bad night (2857)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.

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(484): You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night. http://tfl.nu/9q4k

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(210): View more from Texas

when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"

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(210): when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug" http://tfl.nu/5kj7

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(320): View more from Minnesota

she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride

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(320): she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride http://tfl.nu/iegm

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(630): View more from Illinois

Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness

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(630): Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness http://tfl.nu/aq74

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(312): View more from Illinois

I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.

(773): View more from Illinois

I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...

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(312): I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today. (773): I'm not sure which feat is more impressive... http://tfl.nu/ga4t

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(714): View more from California

She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?

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(714): She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what? http://tfl.nu/cv8q

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.

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(+44): i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life. http://tfl.nu/b0wt

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.

(1-201): View more from New Jersey

Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!

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(201): I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine. (1-201): Why is there even a knowledge base for that?! http://tfl.nu/9uxx

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(502): View more from Kentucky

You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.

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(502): You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1. http://tfl.nu/n49y

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.

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(715): She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird. http://tfl.nu/gla6

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