remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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