my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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