I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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