What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
