i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
