im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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