I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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