It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
