i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
