I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
