I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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