I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
