xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
