The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
