My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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