I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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