"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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