saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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