Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
