Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
