tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
