i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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