I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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