Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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