They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
