Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
