90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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