my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Randomize
