he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
