Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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