Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
