bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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