I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
