I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
