I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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